Finally Solves All of His Problems
Mike Whitehall, 47, of Ferry Pass, Florida has been raising his voice at receptionists, administrative assistants and office managers for years, at every opportunity that has ever arisen. At last night’s press conference, Whitehall admits that he has even gone so far as to make bank tellers and dental hygienists uncomfortable with his unreasonable volume and hotheaded manner on the off chance that they might be that one crucial member of the white collar service industry that had been holding him back all those years.
As fate would have it, though, it was a small law firm in Pensacola, Florida that would hold the key to Mr. Whitehall’s fortune in the form of Ms. Mary Fielding, 23. When asked for a statement, Ms. Fielding enthused that she was absolutely thrilled that she was the lucky one who fate had picked to be yelled at by Mr. Whitehall. She was quite pleased with the results and could not wait for the next time a sweaty, red faced, middle-aged man in need would scream in her face about an issue that she has absolutely no control over.
“I just hope I get this lucky next time!”
Following such a huge windfall, Mr. Whitehall has taken some time off from work to enjoy the new found respect his family and friends have for him. He plans to revel in the fact that he is no longer impotent, he is debt free at last, he is re-growing his hair and everyone who formerly disagreed with him politically has come to their damn senses.
“…all ‘cause I finally yelled at the right girl!”